There's a weary, vulnerable, weak spot in my heart that just wants to be wanted.
There's an army of us out there who have been hurt again and again by friendships. We bow down to the "please just like me, "please just choose me" idols of the heart, and find ourselves easy prey in the hands of sinful, broken man. Not necessarily any more broken or sinful than we are, but in man's economy...broken + broken often equals more broken.
So we build fortresses around our hearts. Walls of protection to keep us safe. And when the hurts come, as they inevitably will, we find that we can either build the walls higher—running, hiding—or we can allow the wrecking ball of life to break them down completely, falling headfirst into the open arms of the only One who can really protect our hearts.
The One who made them.
On Wanting to Be Wanted
A recent issue in my own life has had me thinking about that weak, vulnerable, sometimes ugly place in my heart that longs to be wanted, chosen. Somebody's good friend. Special in some way. Needed for something.
And as my heart has hurt through it, I've asked the Lord to show me its root, because I believe He would have me lay it down once and for all.
Is it because of that time that no one would dance with me at my friend's grade school birthday party?
Is it because my non-athletic self often got chosen last for games, and just couldn't hang with the girls who could walk and dribble a ball at the same time?
Maybe it was that time (or three) that friends got new friends and I got left behind.
All of these things combined together can be an equation for disaster if I let them get ahold of me. Most of the time, they lie dormant in my heart. But just like the hurt of an accidental rub against an open wound, when I get hit in my weak spot, I remember it all. And it hurts.
The Lonely Place
I know I'm not alone. I know there are hundreds, if not millions of you out there who fight that weak, vulnerable place every day and find yourself desperately trying to remember your worth in the eyes of God.
After all, His eyes are the only ones that can see the depths of your heart—and really, they're the only ones that matter.
When you find yourself in that lonely place (you know the one friend...it's where your worst fears and hurtful words that aren't true get flung at you by the enemy of your soul. The enemy who wants to snuff out your light and make you think you're unloveable...that place), would you remember these things my friend?
God loves you even when you fail. When you regret your response, or get too mad, or forget that you're an example to those who might be watching...God loves you still.
Even if it's your fault, grace is waiting right around the corner. If not from man, from the One who made him. There is always, always grace.
Own your faults, but reject the rest. The enemy wants you to embrace it all, but ask God to help you sift through to the truth, and then choose to let the rest fall away.
Remember that you ARE chosen. You are lovely, redeemed, chosen. And you are 100% ENOUGH to be the beautiful bride of Christ.
He chose you in spite of your past.
He chose you even though you can't walk and dribble a ball at the same time.
He thinks you're lovely enough to spend eternity with Him.
He'll never leave you behind when He finds someone new.
You ARE Chosen
This truth is what gives us the strength to keep shining our little lights when Satan threatens to put them out. It's what gives us the courage to take a sledge hammer to the walls of our fortress, and expose our sinful, but redeemed hearts to the world one more time.
Because in God's economy, redeemed + redeemed = beautiful.